Rest in peace DW

I can't believe it's been a whole year since my mother went home to glory. I miss her some days and it's a lot of days I pick up the phone so we can gossip about celebrity scandal or I need to hear her tell me what I'm doing wrong with my kids. I swear some days I can hear her criticizing my parenting so I know she's here. 

I don't really grieve for her much and I was actually relieved when she passed away. I watched her suffer for so many days and because of cancer she died a horrible death. 

Some days I get sad because she died 3 weeks before Tiana was born and never got to meet her. I kinda felt like she held on as long as she did those last days tryna see my baby. I realize that even if she was here there's a chance she wouldn't realize what was going on or that I had even had a baby.  

There are a lot of days I want to be angry with her because she created this mess between me and my siblings and didn't bother to try to fix it, but it is what it is. 

She and I did not have the best relationship. For years I felt like she hated me and maybe she did. Just when things were getting better and we were finally getting the relationship I always wanted to have with my mother, cancer took her from me. I can't get mad about her being gone because I realize that's selfish. I have to remember to be happy for her because she's not in any pain, she's not suffering and most importantly she's reunited with her husband, my father. 

Rest in peace DW you are missed